Not letting the alarm clock incident allow a sneaky hate spiral to begin sneaking it's cunning self into my day. No siree! (side note- there will be a few hyperbole and half links in here because I really miss Allie Brosh. Actually, I have been chasing the high of her work for a while now and reading them repeatedly begins to stop working as well after a while. I mean you know what part is coming next. It's like watching a movie a million times *cough Pineapple Exprasdf* I am feigning for something new! Where the fuck did she dissappear to anyway? Please come back!!!)
Today I will CLEAN ALL THE THINGS! I only have 2 months to get my shit together before I move BACK across the country to start school. There are about 100 things that need to be sold or donated or whatever it is that you do when you move like an adult. Basically the opposite of how I moved to Arizona..and Nevada. Which is throwing as many things as I can fit into my compact vehicle (it's kind of like a game of tetris. hehe.) allowing only enough room for reagan to surf on top of luggage in the back seat.
Then I do the surfing. I sofa surf until I find an appropriate place to live. Only for about a week. Or two. Except for in Arizona. I only lived there 4 months. Sofa surfed the whole time. Pretty impressive, huh? Regardless of my old ways, I have changed. Actually I should say my standards have raised. Ah, fuck. Honestly, since my mom knows I am moving ahead of time and I have a lasting job here, she is making me plan a specific date and get movers and all that jazz. "When I feel like it", isn't going to fly this time. So, true to my nature, I have procrastinated to the absolute last minute, without lifting a finger, to begin accomplishing the myriad of tasks awaiting me. Like finding a place to live FIRST. I like to start things on Monday's or 1st's of months. I decided that since February was the short month and March didn't motivate me, the aboslute last moment to start these things would be April. Since I have been in a weird gluttonous state of self remorse (oxymoronic) I figured that Monday trumped the 1st of April for 2 reasons.
1) Sunday is the day of rest. Although I'm not religious, not even a little bit, and I haven't been doing any extreme activities which require rest. (Who am I kidding I haven't been doing any activity AT ALL, really.) I have some shit up my sleeve and I figure I should probably rest up for all the shit up there because it's going to be INTENSE!2) It was April Fool's day yesterday. Starting something like being responsible on All Fools' Day would been like playing a practical joke on myself. That day is just not conducive by any means.
So here we have arrived at Monday. The first one in April. Which means todays goals are as follows:
- was myself. THOROUGHLY.
- get some fucking groceries. Mostly, something green. My organs are conspiring against me. I can feel them.
- put the trash IN the trash can and put that trash can trash IN the dumpster.
- make one big, fat craigslist ad for my years worth of hoarded furniture and such.
- exercise muscles.
There. Only 5 things. Not so bad? If I feel like I need to medicate myself in order to make this happen I shall do so. I lack self motivation. I'm sure my employer will thank me. I am a nanny and it is bad when the mother feels like she has to poke her head in on us from time to time because I need supervision. Ya, that's right. She's home all day. Fucking strange, right? Hey, at least I offer entertainment. I am underpaid so I don't really give a fuck.
Will I complete 5 out of 5 tasks? I don't know? Stay tuned imaginary blog followers, for I will post pictures of me accomplishing these things (except for showering) as a challenge for myself. If I win, I get wine. If I lose, I must attach all of the strange cuts of the grass fed beef in my freezer to my body and wander in to Red Rock Canyon where I will most definitely be eating by a mountain lion and Reagan will be left to fend for herself, most likely becoming a rabid human-killing machine demolishing the fruitless population of Las Vegas, Nevada and that would be totally and completely my fault for not just taking my fucking adderall. That doesn't sound so bad actually. Someone with a big dog must sacrifice themselves! But not until June 1st when I will safely be in Texas learning things. Reagan's rabies vaccine lasts 3 years anyway so I'm exempt. BOOM!
"THAT WAS A TASTY HUMAN, GOT ANY MORE OF THAT?"
I'm so damn odd.
I'll shut up and go shower now.
Good luck getting everything done. Once in college, they kind of force you into getting your act together. I was good at faking it, but I guess I learned a few things.
ReplyDeleteI faked it the first time around. HARD CORE. My GPA was great but taking the bus to class when it got hot out is what eventually did me in. You either had sweaty arm pits in your face as you dangled from the rail during sharp turns or butts and boobs if you got a seat.
ReplyDeleteThis go-round should be less smelly. I got a bike!