I'm going to get things done today...April fools!

DIE BUNNY! DIE!

Are there roughly hundreds millions of other things I should be doing? Absolutely. Probably one million and one. So, I have decided to whole-heartedly accept my procrastination, by becoming one with the Internet that I browse during ALL of my free time, in order to avoid even the most necessary things like: showering, eating something other than the chocolate bunny I angrily decapitated yesterday and cleaning up the trash strewn about my tiny apartment. The chocolate rabbit was my breaking point. I had reached an epic level of boredom. Poor bunny.

I will explain why there is trash strewn about.

Occasionally, I muster up all this focus to be semi-productive and put most things in there rightful habitats, so that I may feel like accomplishing other things. Such as, going to Trader Joe's, and buying some fucking dog food, for my fucking dog..and maybe a couple bottles of 2 buck chuck merlot while I'm at it (despite the judgmental looks from shit-stains behind me in line.) What?! Just because I'm buying a weeks worth of dog food doesn't have to mean I'm not coming back between now and then. Mind your own stupid business. 

...only to come home and find that she (my dog) has:

 a) macgyvered her way into the pantry (curse you handled door knobs!) where I sneakily put the trash can when I left, adorning our momentarily lovely habitat with filth!!

b) she has fished out the ONLY two things at the bottom of a pretty tall trash can as a surprise for me, on my bed. For example, a really old package of guacamole and a rogue strawberry. She waits for me to walk in the bedroom when she doesn't come to attack me with her crazy "Hi-iMeesedyou!" dance at the door, to gauge my reaction of said rottengiftstainingmymattress!!

 (which she is now occupying..more on how that happened later) 

As if I am going to be all, "Thank you! What was I thinking putting those in the trash? I do need to eat some fruits and vegetables, Reagan. You're awesome."

 Not awesome. Thank god I preemptively bought that wine.

c) If i am lucky enough to remember (or not be running monumentally late to wherever I rarely leave her by herself to go) to put the trash in the pantry, behind the large bag of dog food she doesn't eat, she will abate my punishment to something like tearing the cover off a paper back book or scratching a cd. 

("OH MY LANTA! YOU SCRATCHED MY CD!") <---Please don't be offended I had to do it!

I have ruined her by allowing her to literally come EVERYWHERE with me. Work? Yes. In the car while I'm at the chiropractor? Yes. To the grocery store? Sometimes, but I stopped doing that when I walk there because I tried tying her up like a horse in the movies to a bench but they had not bolted the bench down and she started to drag the bench inside the store to come find me. Maybe you should get heavier benches or just be impressed that my dog has freak strength Smith's!!! I like TJ's better anyway. I get to feel like I am being healthy while I buy my coffee and frozen turkey burgers, bitch!

Any who, that is really all I have to say for now which is really nothing except for a really long list of how I DON'T have my shit together. 

Hopefully I get some readers and with my subsequent blog posts I will explain how I came to be at times apathetic and antisocial to hopelessly shitting rainbows or saving half-dead pigeons. (It still died but E for effort, right?)

Ok.

Byyee.